Playplace Dramas

I have a feeling I'm going to regret a certain event that happened today for the REST OF MY LIFE. I'm sure it doesn't help that I'm choosing to immortalize said "event" by posting it on a public blog...that's on the Internet...that everyone can read.

I took Troy to the playplace today for lunch because he's been Master Pooperinthepotty lately and deserved a fun time out for doing so well with something that's been a real struggle for him. We pick a table outside the playplace and I position myself so I can watch him while he's running around with all the other kids. 

Observation #1: He's one of the youngest and smallest kids playing. This isn't an issue for me, because all the kids look like they're playing nicely no matter their age. Troy doesn't care either, as long as there are kids to play with, he's cool.

Observation #2: The playplace isn't really "baby-friendly". Any kid that is still crawling on all fours and isn't able to keep their balance when amongst running, older kids isn't going to last long. And all the play area is up the stairs in the second-level tubes, which means that babies aren't going to be able to get up there to "play" anyhow.

Observation #3: Mama bears are watching...

So Troy's running around, having a fun time with everyone else. If you know anything about his eating habits, he's not one to sit and eat. It's a battle we've chosen not to fight with him at this point in time. He eats on the run. ...So he's in and out of the playplace enclosure grabbing a chicken nug here, a fry there... I see him start to come down the stairs, I assume to come out and get another bite, and there's a baby sitting in the way. The only way he can get past her is to carefully climb between her and the stair post, which he does, but it also means having to step over and around her arm and the rest of her body. The baby makes no move whatsoever and is blocking kids from going up and coming down the stairs. Troy has just made it past her (mind you, I'm watching this whole scene from a very clear vantage point) and the baby's mom goes over. Her back was towards me and I couldn't tell who she was talking to. But then I see Troy answer something to her, and she keeps shaking her head at him and pointing the the baby who is still sitting in the middle of the stairs. By this time I had realized that she was chewing him out for stepping over her baby and got up to intervene. I was few steps into my stomp when Troy comes out.

"What did that lady say to you?" (I was careful to keep my tone neutral; I didn't want him to think he was in trouble.)

"She said I can't come down the stairs."

"How come you can't come down the stairs?"

"I can hurt her baby and I can't come down the stairs." (Confused look on his face.)

"Did the baby get hurt? Was she crying?"

"No." (Which she wasn't, and hadn't ever cried, or even made a face that suggested something was wrong.)

I then told him that he was, indeed, allowed to come down the stairs whenever he wanted and that he hadn't done anything wrong. The last I checked stairs were considered two-way streets.

Going back to the Observations: Troy couldn't have been the only one posing a "danger" to this baby since he was in the middle of an older group. If you're going to chew someone out, then do it to a kid who is legitimately doing something wrong and can completely understand what you're getting at. Better yet, talk it up with the parent. Parents are just a leetle protective of their offspring and don't like to see random others attempting to discipline their kids. 

And why was she letting her baby, who can't yet walk, or climb up stairs, or eat solid food, get that far into the playplace? With so many other bigger kids around? On stairs?! 

So when Troy came out and we had this discussion I honestly couldn't decide what to do. It's no secret I've been a little hormonal lately, and even without the hormones I'm not the most sensitive of people when it comes to saying how I feel about things. I could not tell if this was a situation that required my further intervention in confronting this parent or not. Was I making too big a deal out of it? Did I really need to start something in the middle of Chick-fil-A? Was this nothing that I should forget about? I couldn't decide a rational way to approach this, so we packed up and left. It was time to go anyway.

In hindsight, I shoulda taken that mutha downnnnnn! I should have defended my son! What was I thinking?! My poor kid was so confused that he was told he wasn't allowed to go down stairs. So my regret is that I didn't do anything. I told Troy several times that he wasn't in the wrong and he probably forgot about the entire situation by the time we got home. I've been stewing all day. I should have said something. I have a few things from life that I regret, that I still feel bad about to this day even though the event was small and has been forgotten by everyone but me. I have a feeling this is going to stick with me like those others. 

Do you think that random diner has any idea that another random mom from the playplace is harboring a serious grudge against her? Probably not, which means it's only hurting me. I just need to move on...

A Lot About Nothing

So I've basically given up on our family blog. And I've given up on reading others' blogs too. I think the trend is finally starting to pass. With the social interaction abundance that is Facebook it tends to be so much easier to write about our goings-on in small blurbs and picture updates. I use Facebook so often to share news that it dawned on me that I forgot to email my extended family the news that we're having a girl. ...Oops. The writings on this particular blog have also (obviously) taken a plunge in word count. I'm going to keep this one however. It's been nice to have a place to exercise the right side of my brain, since my left side is normally so dominant. Back you creative beast, back!! I wish I were more creative, maybe we wouldn't be so bored all day. I even had a good idea for a blog post yesterday. I promptly forgot it when I beheld the amazing amounts of chocolate Jason came home with. The crickets are chirping in my head as we speak, well, as I write. I have nothing to write about... Since most of my thoughts nowadays revolve around the discomforts of pregnancy and impending childbirth. And food. Lots of food.

I guess the enjoyment I find in cooking to be a point in favor of my right side. I don't think I've made a recipe exactly according to the recipe for years now. I'm good at mixing things up and tweaking flavors. I've been in the mood to try something completely new, but haven't been able to find appropriate ingredients when grocery shopping. Back to boring for us.

I follow politics, religion, parenting, etc... topics that are in the news, but try to avoid posting or commenting on forums because I don't like how divisive topics like that can be. Granted, there's been a few times that I have... and of course I'm ALWAYS right when stating my personal opinion. ;-) I don't like how closed-minded and disrespectful people can be; it's the common trend for people to post insensitive, inflammatory comments on issues-- things they would never have the balls to say to a person's face. I try to go out of my way to make sure the comment I am posting is something I would also say in person. Ha ha, then there are the times when I play the opposite side of the fence just to ruffle all the sheeply conservatives where I live. There's that right side in action again. I also choose not to listen to political commentators because they are so biased and rude. I think they cause people to be irrationally angry and judgemental of others who don't believe as they do. They host guests on their shows and proceed to shout and put them down. To avoid making this a blanket statement, I'll add, "Of course, not everyone is like this." To somewhat balance the media bias, I pull my news from two or three different news sources and form my own opinions.

Forming opinions is something that, I think, takes practice. It's hard to come into a new topic without an inclination to think one way or another. But I think educating oneself and being open to multiple thoughts helps to sideline closed-mindedness. While writing numerous research papers in college, I quickly learned that you can make research and statistics say whatever you want. If you want to find research that favors one theory over another-- you'll find it! If you want it to say the other theory is absolutely, infallibly correct-- you'll find that too!

I think I've written enough about absolutely nothing. Maybe my brain will kick into gear soon and I'll have another post on enlightened, creative subjects that I KNOW leaves everyone hanging for more.

Second Time Around

Now that I'm well, and already uncomfortably, into my pregnancy I've started to think a lot more about how I want things to go this time. With Troy there were a lot of things I didn't know and things I blindly followed because it didn't dawn on me to question things or ask what was normal. I'm referring mostly to the actual birth, however I'm going to change the way we do things once we get home from the hospital as well. Since I've been through this process once before I feel a little more educated on what I can make sure is done for me and take a little more control over the entire experience. In retrospect, there were so many things I should have done differently when Troy was born to make things easier on myself. Of course-- I didn't know.

Now I do.

For instance. I had a not-particularly long, but slow labor with Troy that included three hours of pushing. Now, I went into labor with him in the middle of the night, right after I'd gotten into bed. So I had already gone about 36 hours without sleep by the time it came to push. Change #1: I will NOT haul myself all the way from lying position into sitting position every time I have to push (especially when I'm exhausted and passing out between contractions already). I don't know why it never dawned on me to tell the nurse to raise the head of the bed into sitting position for me, or why they never offered. My back and shoulders were so sore and stiff the next day from that workout.

Change #2: I envy the women who have full relief with epidurals. I did not get that, nor was I wanting to be plugged in and immobile so early into my labor. I experienced excruciating back pain with Troy which prompted the request for an epidural sooner than I was originally planning. I'm hoping this labor will not include that back pain so I can try to prolong having to be immobilized on my back in a bed. I had planned (and would like to plan for this one) to grit it out as long as possible without having medication so I would be free to walk around and deal with the pain via other methods. And if I do need meds, let's just say I really hope they work like they're supposed to this time.

Change #3: There will be no, "Jason, you sleep all night and let me take care of all the feedings and cryings." It's hard enough to get sleep when you have a newborn as it is, it's even harder when you offer to be awake all night because you think it's the right thing for your partner. Guess who gets to do midnight feedings and rockings now!

These are a few of the changes I'm hoping will take place. I didn't want to go into too much detail about Troy's birth, because, let's face it, no one really cares--and the gory details can stay in the delivery room. Hopefully it will be a lot less stressful on everyone.

AND the nurse WILL let me shower when I want to...

A Sacred Vow

I remember when I first started college and was introduced to the atmosphere of professors pushing marriage in every class and guys proposing to the first gal they dated. Education aside, I started to watch those who I knew were dating (and thus getting married soon) to chart their progression into eternal bliss. Girls started out pretty: they did their hair in elaborate Utah bumps, applied makeup several times a day, flashed huge smiles at every male in the vicinity, laughed loudly. Men started out handsome: they showered and combed their hair, made an effort to match, and inserted themselves into the view of aforementioned girls. Girls and guys continued to dress up for each other throughout the dating and engagement period, then out of nowhere, they became unrecognizable. I was able to follow this as a natural occurrence in the Love Cycle at the university. Normally around week three of marriage I saw that the girls quit putting on makeup and arrived to classes in sweatpants and baggy t-shirts. The guys inevitably started putting on weight soon after. Was this phenomenon due to a recent lack of sleep (wink wink)? Or was there something else at work? It wasn't hard to figure out this answer, in fact, I think I had it nailed down within a semester or two. Once a couple is married--they're stuck! They don't have to look nice for each other anymore because there's no getting rid of them anymore! I found it was the attitude of "Well, he married me, and this is what he gets now." Sad, huh? Then and there I vowed to never let this happen to me.

I can't say that I was immune to this strutting and posturing when I was single. I did my hair religiously (though, fortunately, I was never a fan of the bump), made sure my makeup was in tact before classes, and tried to give "friendly" smiles to guys I met. None of these things happened to work towards getting me dates however, and I decided it wasn't worth it after a while. I started not to fret as much--I didn't let myself go, I did what I had always been doing, just without the thought of a potential date in mind. (It's funny how men start to notice you when you don't care about them anymore... they can sense it or something.) Of course, I met my husband after I had sworn off men and the story continues from there. So fast forward--Jason and I start dating. I'm still watching the progress of couples to keep tabs on their appearance pre- and post-marriage. My vow to never let myself go was still fresh in my mind, though I made sure that Jason saw me without my hair and makeup done several times while we were dating so he knew EXACTLY what he was getting himself into.
My vow still stands today, I think, even after five years of marriage. Though I had an upsetting shock this morning when I looked into the mirror. I saw the most horrendous brownish-yellow circles around my eyes. These aren't new, unfortunately, but today I took a minute to stare at myself and study what's happening to me. Besides my bruised-looking eyes, I realized that I haven't been to the gym in two months, it takes me most of the day before I get dressed, I don't wear makeup half the time, and I can take or leave my hair. I was disappointed in myself. I've always subconsciously attributed a lack of physical grooming to a lack of self confidence or laziness. I'm not lazy and every woman I know suffers from some sort of confidence issue. Most of my lettings-go I can blame on my pregnancy: I've been too sick and exhausted to make it to the gym, I outgrew my bra which has left me uninspired to to wear anything but PJ pants and a hoodie, I'm too tired to care about putting on my makeup and doing my hair. I hope the second trimester (which starts this week) will prove to be a better-feeling one so I can get somewhat back to normal. Even though I know I have a legit excuse for looking like crap, I still can't reassure myself that it's OK. I'm ashamed that I've let myself fall into this category. Since this is the perfect time to think of New Year's resolutions, I found mine: get up! I need to start taking pride in myself again and the best way for me to do this is to go back to my old self. My confidence is boosted when I'm presentable and I have a much more productive day after my personal grooming is done. These small steps will surely lead to bigger personal leaps down the road.

I'll raise my glass to that.

Rant of the Week

I just gotta put this out there: I'm so sick of pop culture!!! Justin Bieber, Twilight, and Lady Gaga all need to lay down and go away for good. Really?? People are so obsessed with all these "celebrities" and fads. It's embarrassing to see full-grown women screaming about how hot this 17-year-old BOY is. And then I have to automatically assume people think I am also into this stuff and that makes me even more embarrassed. I feel like I have to publicly denounce all this crap and I'm glad my husband knows where I stand ("No, honey, I don't think scrawny, white vampires that get all sparkly in the sun are attractive.") And when you turn on the news---it's all you hear about! What outrageous outfit sparked controversy, that couple is divorcing two hours after the reception ended, that one can't keep them self out of rehab/jail, and oh-my-gosh she's pregnant! no wait, she's not... I'm waiting for the day when the Sexiest Man Alive is a real-life non-actor from the suburbs.

The news in general is very negative, so I love to read stories of people who are making positive differences in their communities and in the world at large. Most of the time they're not trying to get on the front page (most of the time they're not, see page D12). I read a story a few months ago about a man who saw a child being forced into a van. He jumped in his truck, took off, and eventually rescued the kidnapped child. What a hero! I certainly hope someone like that is around should my child ever be in trouble. I think of all the people who donate time out of their busy lives to volunteer at hospitals, animal shelters, and soup kitchens. They make a difference.

My dream job is to work for an international humanitarian company. I'd love to be able to provide assistance and necessities to those in regions not as blessed as ours. My plans for after graduating college were to join the Peace Corps and fly off to some obscure corner of the world to provide drinking water and vaccines for kids. Of course, plans change when you get married. ;-) I'm at a depressing point where I feel like I'm not doing anything productive in the world and look forward to the day when I can donate time, money and supplies to people in need.

To loop it all back, there are plenty of famous people out there who have foundations, or donate their money to causes, or are charitable ambassadors. Good for them. They're setting a good example. It's all the other BS I'm tired of. It seems the masses nowadays are so easily grabbed and brainwashed into trends and will believe they should be involved in the moment because the media says so. Political commentators have cult/sheep followings and half the "news" on my Yahoo! page is what gown Kate wore to the Queen's party. I wish it were easier to filter through all that and get to the real stuff. *Sigh* Oh, and did you hear that Kourtney Kardashian is pregnant again?

...To the Death

Paul Ezra Rhoades of Idaho Falls brutally killed three people, two young women and a young man, in 1987. Today he was executed by the State of Idaho. It's Idaho's first execution in 17 years.

Normally I like to stay away from political topics. Things get heated, I tend to hold grudges against those who disagree with me, a lot of times I don't really care about the topic at hand, I don't like when people repeatedly shove their "opinions" down your throat, the sheep mentality... BUT I do think this is an interesting topic: you've got Bible thumpers sitting on both sides, liberals and conservatives arguing over terms like "humane" and "justice", and victims' loved ones struggling between finding closure and reliving the nightmare.

John Grisham has written a few books revolving around the death penalty. The latest I've read is The Confession, where the State of Texas executes the wrong man after the real killer comes forward. Whether or not you're for the death penalty, it makes you think. It made me wonder how many times the wrong person has been executed while the true culprit gets to live. I think it happens rarely, if at all, with all our wonderful advances in technology. Things like DNA evidence, microscopic details that can be computer analyzed, and pyscho-analyses have come such a long long way since even 15 years ago. In a society that uses the death penalty, it's bound to happen unfortunately. This book made me feel sad for innocent men and women who went to their "justified" deaths for crimes they did not commit. On the flip side, it made me feel that there are crimes so heinous that deserve death.

Back to Rhoades: they were grisly murders and I'm not going to go into detail about them here. I ache for the families that had to endure the pain of knowing their loved one had been terrorized and in pain before dying. I feel so sorry that these innocent, young lives were cut short by a sadistic, psychotic druggie. What would they be doing now, I wonder? Rhoades has been sitting in jail, eating and getting fat, for free, for twenty-four years. They knew he was the serial killer they were looking for when they caught him. There was a comment on our local news' website that said something like, "Justice was served when they caught him." I heartily disagreed with that.

I don't want to go into much detail on whether I'm for or against gettin' the chair, but I did want to lay out a few thoughts I've had the past few days. Whether or not citizens of the USofA believe the death penalty is right, it comes down to the fact that many states (and other nations) have adopted it as a legal way to uphold the law. Thus, it is the states' responsibility to uphold the laws and punishments set forth. If you commit a crime, it's understood that there are certain repercussions for when you get caught. Execution has been deemed appropriate in many cases and it is the states' prerogative to carry it out.

Also, I believe that executions serve two purposes, both of which I will say I agree with. One: As awful as it sounds, it serves as retribution. Vengeance, revenge, whatever you want to call it. If you want to get down to the nitty-gritty, any form of punishment, whether it be incarceration, community service, or probation, is one form or another of retribution. Criminals forfeit their rights and, subsequently, owe society a debt when they break a law. Execution is, of course, the extreme and is maintained for certain horrible crimes. If I had lost a family member to someone like Rhoades I'm pretty sure I would want to see the criminal dead.

Actually, I'm 1000% sure.

Two: Execution removes the threat. While these criminals are alive there is always the possibility, however remote, that they will be free someday, somehow. A while ago, there were a few inmates from one of the prisons here in Idaho that escaped. Scar-ree. Inmate escapes happen more often than we care to think about and whether or not they're caught again is moot. Early probation is often given to criminals for good behavior, which means they're OUT, amongst the public. With serial killers, rapists, pedophiles, etc... there's the possibility that they will hurt someone else if they're not being supervised and behind bars. I believe that those sentenced to execution are done so in part because the jury believes them to be a threat to others if they remain alive.

Our justice system seems to have gone down the sad path of victimizing the criminals and trying to make the victims into they-had-it-coming's. There are arguments and studies out everywhere for and against genetic predispositions to alcoholism, violence, and the like. This is another opinion I have no problem exerting: I think genetic predisposition is a crock of sh**. It all comes down to people have the CHOICE. We all have an instinctive buzzer inside us that tells us when we're committing wrong. Rhoades had the choice to kill or not kill (or rape, or maim) those innocent people. I can choose whether or not to snort that line, an abusive parent consciously makes the decision to harm their child.

It's all about self control. Lack of control brings consequences on all levels. I can't say I feel sorry for people whose lack of control harms others. They made the choice, and in doing so, chose their fate.

So... people can argue all they want about the death penalty being wrong or right. It doesn't matter. Our laws have deemed it legal (therefore, executions cannot be said to be illegal) and a proper consequence for certain actions. If you don't like it, move.

To Be or Not To Be... Lazy?

I think the fact that I haven't written in two months argues in behalf of TO BE. I had originally planned on writing twice a week for this blog so I could have something do for myself, that was just my own thoughts and opinions. Alas, time gets away from all of us, especially when we're busy NOT being lazy. There was an article in one of my magazines that inspired thoughts on this post. From Elder Robert D. Hales in the LDS church magazine The Ensign:

"I remember a young couple just out of college. One parent gave them a home; the other parent gave them furnishings and a new car. They had everything in the world given to them. Within three years they were divorced. They hadn't worked and sacrificed. They had leaned on each other and on their parents as a crutch, had crippled themselves, and hadn't grown. They hadn't learned the hard part."

I abhor laziness. I believe people should work to support themselves financially, mentally and physically. I don't believe in sitting in front of the TV; I don't agree with about 90% of the welfare system; I don't believe in others being obligated to fill your shoes as well as their own. This is an extreme. I acknowledge that there are always exceptions, however exceptions aren't normally made because of laziness. In fact, the only reason I can think of is an exception made due to a medical reason: disability, injury, old age, etc... The quote above started me thinking of everything I do for myself, by myself. I don't think that all situations in which people receive handouts are going to resolve themselves in something as extreme like divorce, but I do think that his quote rings true. If we don't work and learn the hard way, when will we learn?

For example, I babysit full-time. I took the job thinking it would be an easy way to work AND be lazy at the same time. I'd just let them play all day, provide some entertainment, snacks, tralala go home. It has proven not to be easy and conducive to laziness at all unfortunately. I digress... The kids I babysit are the youngest of 5. Their family dynamics are much different than ours. They play differently, talk differently, the works. Among this, they don't do much of anything for themselves. Their parents and siblings do absolutely EVERYTHING for them. Taking off shoes, cleaning up toys, using manners and the like are things we do on a normal basis at our house and I think it's been a bit of a culture shock for them. I MAKE them do things for themselves. I do not allow whining; I expect them to use their p's & q's; they speak to me respectfully; they do not fight and yell over toys. There are consequences for not handling yourself properly. I have seen major improvements in their demeanor since they've started at our house, the biggest thing is that they're more independent. I'm pretty sure they like doing things like big boys, all by themselves.

As adults it's the same process. We need to do things on our own to really learn the lesson. My mom has always said there are two kinds of people in this world: Givers and Takers. Givers are normally those who have learned their lessons on independence and seek to help those who are still learning, and those who enjoy giving for the enhancement of others and themselves. Takers, I've discovered, haven't quite gotten there. (Sometimes these personality traits are personality quirks, there's nothing we can do to change them, no matter the lessons learned or un-learned.) There is a balance between giving and taking, no one has to fall completely on one side or the other. My mom and I are both Givers. We feel uncomfortable taking because we're afraid it might inconvenience someone, or put them out, even when they're offering. It makes it hard for other Givers if we're always unwilling to accept what they want to give us. Slowly but surely, I have been trying to get better at taking. I am grateful for the Givers who have blessed my life. People who are constant Takers have the expectation that Givers are always going to be around. They expect that they can ask for what they want and take it, whether it be time, money, space, or other things. The extreme Givers feel obligated to meet this expectation.

I make a conscience effort to give via support. When I make the kids do something on their own that they haven't done before, I show them how and then encourage them from the sidelines, praising them when they've accomplished the feat. I think this could be replicated on all aspects of life. (I'm not trying to set myself up as a perfect mom or babysitter--I am far, far, far from that.) People will learn to support themselves through their hard times and come out stronger and wiser for it. They will like that feeling of independence and the satisfaction that comes from, "Yeah, I totally did that." And all us Givers can give them a high-five and slap on the back, tell them how proud we are, and welcome them to the club.