I think the fact that I haven't written in two months argues in behalf of TO BE. I had originally planned on writing twice a week for this blog so I could have something do for myself, that was just my own thoughts and opinions. Alas, time gets away from all of us, especially when we're busy NOT being lazy. There was an article in one of my magazines that inspired thoughts on this post. From Elder Robert D. Hales in the LDS church magazine The Ensign:
For example, I babysit full-time. I took the job thinking it would be an easy way to work AND be lazy at the same time. I'd just let them play all day, provide some entertainment, snacks, tralala go home. It has proven not to be easy and conducive to laziness at all unfortunately. I digress... The kids I babysit are the youngest of 5. Their family dynamics are much different than ours. They play differently, talk differently, the works. Among this, they don't do much of anything for themselves. Their parents and siblings do absolutely EVERYTHING for them. Taking off shoes, cleaning up toys, using manners and the like are things we do on a normal basis at our house and I think it's been a bit of a culture shock for them. I MAKE them do things for themselves. I do not allow whining; I expect them to use their p's & q's; they speak to me respectfully; they do not fight and yell over toys. There are consequences for not handling yourself properly. I have seen major improvements in their demeanor since they've started at our house, the biggest thing is that they're more independent. I'm pretty sure they like doing things like big boys, all by themselves.
As adults it's the same process. We need to do things on our own to really learn the lesson. My mom has always said there are two kinds of people in this world: Givers and Takers. Givers are normally those who have learned their lessons on independence and seek to help those who are still learning, and those who enjoy giving for the enhancement of others and themselves. Takers, I've discovered, haven't quite gotten there. (Sometimes these personality traits are personality quirks, there's nothing we can do to change them, no matter the lessons learned or un-learned.) There is a balance between giving and taking, no one has to fall completely on one side or the other. My mom and I are both Givers. We feel uncomfortable taking because we're afraid it might inconvenience someone, or put them out, even when they're offering. It makes it hard for other Givers if we're always unwilling to accept what they want to give us. Slowly but surely, I have been trying to get better at taking. I am grateful for the Givers who have blessed my life. People who are constant Takers have the expectation that Givers are always going to be around. They expect that they can ask for what they want and take it, whether it be time, money, space, or other things. The extreme Givers feel obligated to meet this expectation.
I make a conscience effort to give via support. When I make the kids do something on their own that they haven't done before, I show them how and then encourage them from the sidelines, praising them when they've accomplished the feat. I think this could be replicated on all aspects of life. (I'm not trying to set myself up as a perfect mom or babysitter--I am far, far, far from that.) People will learn to support themselves through their hard times and come out stronger and wiser for it. They will like that feeling of independence and the satisfaction that comes from, "Yeah, I totally did that." And all us Givers can give them a high-five and slap on the back, tell them how proud we are, and welcome them to the club.
"I remember a young couple just out of college. One parent gave them a home; the other parent gave them furnishings and a new car. They had everything in the world given to them. Within three years they were divorced. They hadn't worked and sacrificed. They had leaned on each other and on their parents as a crutch, had crippled themselves, and hadn't grown. They hadn't learned the hard part."I abhor laziness. I believe people should work to support themselves financially, mentally and physically. I don't believe in sitting in front of the TV; I don't agree with about 90% of the welfare system; I don't believe in others being obligated to fill your shoes as well as their own. This is an extreme. I acknowledge that there are always exceptions, however exceptions aren't normally made because of laziness. In fact, the only reason I can think of is an exception made due to a medical reason: disability, injury, old age, etc... The quote above started me thinking of everything I do for myself, by myself. I don't think that all situations in which people receive handouts are going to resolve themselves in something as extreme like divorce, but I do think that his quote rings true. If we don't work and learn the hard way, when will we learn?
For example, I babysit full-time. I took the job thinking it would be an easy way to work AND be lazy at the same time. I'd just let them play all day, provide some entertainment, snacks, tralala go home. It has proven not to be easy and conducive to laziness at all unfortunately. I digress... The kids I babysit are the youngest of 5. Their family dynamics are much different than ours. They play differently, talk differently, the works. Among this, they don't do much of anything for themselves. Their parents and siblings do absolutely EVERYTHING for them. Taking off shoes, cleaning up toys, using manners and the like are things we do on a normal basis at our house and I think it's been a bit of a culture shock for them. I MAKE them do things for themselves. I do not allow whining; I expect them to use their p's & q's; they speak to me respectfully; they do not fight and yell over toys. There are consequences for not handling yourself properly. I have seen major improvements in their demeanor since they've started at our house, the biggest thing is that they're more independent. I'm pretty sure they like doing things like big boys, all by themselves.
As adults it's the same process. We need to do things on our own to really learn the lesson. My mom has always said there are two kinds of people in this world: Givers and Takers. Givers are normally those who have learned their lessons on independence and seek to help those who are still learning, and those who enjoy giving for the enhancement of others and themselves. Takers, I've discovered, haven't quite gotten there. (Sometimes these personality traits are personality quirks, there's nothing we can do to change them, no matter the lessons learned or un-learned.) There is a balance between giving and taking, no one has to fall completely on one side or the other. My mom and I are both Givers. We feel uncomfortable taking because we're afraid it might inconvenience someone, or put them out, even when they're offering. It makes it hard for other Givers if we're always unwilling to accept what they want to give us. Slowly but surely, I have been trying to get better at taking. I am grateful for the Givers who have blessed my life. People who are constant Takers have the expectation that Givers are always going to be around. They expect that they can ask for what they want and take it, whether it be time, money, space, or other things. The extreme Givers feel obligated to meet this expectation.
I make a conscience effort to give via support. When I make the kids do something on their own that they haven't done before, I show them how and then encourage them from the sidelines, praising them when they've accomplished the feat. I think this could be replicated on all aspects of life. (I'm not trying to set myself up as a perfect mom or babysitter--I am far, far, far from that.) People will learn to support themselves through their hard times and come out stronger and wiser for it. They will like that feeling of independence and the satisfaction that comes from, "Yeah, I totally did that." And all us Givers can give them a high-five and slap on the back, tell them how proud we are, and welcome them to the club.
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