Get a (Private) Room!

We decided to go on San Diego harbor cruise with my parents while we were visiting last month. It's kind of a cheesy, touristy thing to do but we had a good time nonetheless. So let me take you through it: You board the ship, get a complimentary glass of champagne (Martinelli's for us) and are seated. If you chose to pay extra during booking then you are seated at a window-side table for two, complete with special plates, champagne flutes, etc... We did not choose this option, so we were one table away from the windows in our cheapskate non-specially plated table. We shove off, the live band starts, socialization, appetizers, dinner, dancing, blah blah blah... It was fun for about five minutes until the man sitting across from us (at one of the "special" tables) moved his chair over and into the walkway so he could sit right next to his woman. PDA quickly followed (cue horror movie music). Obviously, this atmosphere lends itself to romance: pretty views, music and alcohol. Ah, love.

First, let me say that I believe in love. I believe that love is a positive and complex feeling that two people can have for each other. Physical affection is a natural byproduct that is necessary to propel and maintain relationships. Affection and sex are crucial for successful marriages. I believe these manifestations of love are special, private matters between the couple (unless, of course, there's problems that need to be discussed with professionals, but that's another topic). That being said, public displays of affection should, I think, be limited. Stifled? No. Just...limited. Holding hands, a peck here and there, little things that don't make others uncomfortable.

Let me go into detail about the PDA that grosses me out, specifically what we had to witness ALL NIGHT during our harbor cruise: making out for prolonged periods of time (more than three seconds); ear nibbling; sitting on laps (include arms around the other's neck for double gross-out); foot massages (bare feet in a food establishment?!); butt grabbing; cheesy "come-hither-just-wait-til-later" looks; seductive licking of the lips; the list goes on. When we first sat next to this couple we knew immediately that they were in love by the way they were, er, showing their affection. We thought they'd settle down after a few minutes.

Nope!!

We got to watch them all night, as they were sitting right in front of the window that was in our line of vision. So we stared, shot dirty glances, quit muffling our giggles and comments. This couple wasn't the only one on the cruise feeling a little frisky, however they were the most forward and long-lasting. By the end of the cruise she was hiccuping champagne bubbles and tried to shove her way in front of me to disembark. I took my opportunity to shove her back and stalked off the boat in front of her--without my husband. Oops.

Another funny story: There were two other couples getting married at the same time as Jason and me. We're all sitting and waiting for our marry-ers to come get us to start each of our own ceremonies. Jason and I are sitting on a couch holding hands and talking quietly. I don't know remember what couple #2 was doing, though I do remember they were very quiet and sitting rather stiffly. Couple #3 was on the other side of the room. She was sitting in one of the armchairs with her dress all fanned out around her; he was kneeling on the floor in front of her. They were staring fervently into each other's eyes and clasping hands so tightly I thought I could hear knuckles popping. Jason and I watched them for a while and they NEVER moved! They stared and stared and stared at each other with such a look of sappiness I will never forget it. It grossed me out and we will always have it as one of our wedding day memories. This isn't quite the kind of PDA I was describing before, but it was equally as disturbing--in a funny, I'm-always-going-to-make-fun-of-them sort of way.

Moral of the story: you now have a very clear idea of my take on PDA. The fact that I have written two articles about it (I wrote one in college that was actually quite funny--I think) tells you it's something that I've seen and thought about probably more that I should have. One more opinion from me you didn't ask for.

The Sum of All Fears

A not-so-funny-to-me-but-funny-to-everyone-else-incident inspired this post last night. We had just gotten Troy to bed and were settling down to finish a movie in the basement (where our TV lives). I was sitting on the floor in a banana chair and Jason was in the big chaise lounger. Here I am minding my own business, trying to watch the rest of Robert Downey Jr.'s Sherlock Holmes performance, enjoying myself... and out scuttles a HUGE hobo spider from under the TV stand. All I can do is take two hyperventilating gasps and point at it while jumping onto the computer chair and gasping, "Right there!"

**ALERT! ALERT!** Right now, at this very moment, while I'm typing--right now! out races another gargantuan hobo!!! From under the computer desk, where my feet have been! It just made a beeline towards my baby's feet. I grabbed the first thing I could find (Troy's Little Einstein DVD case) pushed Troy out of the way and whacked the life out of it. I grabbed Troy and whatever else I could carry and we ran upstairs, never to return. The carcass is still smushed into the floor. That'll be Jason's job when he gets up, as I'm still shaking too badly to do much. **END OF ALERT**

Anyway, Jason, always my knight in bug-killing armor, armed with the shoe of vengeance and wadded tissue of death, immediately knows what I'm freaking out about and moves deftly into action. (I believe he used the same DVD case I just did). One more spider put out of my misery and flushed, never to show its arachnid legginess again.

There are poisonous spiders everywhere and I'm scared, borderline phobic, of all of them. However, I am particularly disturbed by hobos. They look like this:

Even searching online and saving this picture has made my heart rate skyrocket and made me want to blow chunks. These effers are aggressive, fast, poisonous, and exceptionally sinister looking. I do not go anywhere in my house without scanning the floor, walls and ceiling for creepy crawlies. There are certain places in our basement storage room that I don't even go near for fear of seeing (and subsequently having to do battle with) bugs. Every little tickle on my skin, shadow, or inconsistent groove in the carpet is a potential spider. I spray the inside and outside of my home with anti-bug poison religiously and after these two encounters I will be re-spraying and also throwing a bug bomb down in the basement tonight.

The fact that I have a physical reaction to these creatures leads me to believe that I'm not just being girly about bugs. I hyperventilate, my heart rate goes through the roof, I get sick to my stomach, my eyes tear up, my arms and hands tremble for many minutes after encounters... I can't even pick up and dispose of dead bugs. Jason is such a gentleman to never tease me about my fear or to wave the dead ones in front of my face. I appreciate this so much. I'm not a fearful person; I'm a bit of a thrill seeker to be honest, but we're all allowed our one thing. Spiders and a few other choice creepies are mine. After the one making out to eat my son's foot a minute ago--this means war. Or avoidance, whichever keeps them away from me and mine.