Count Your Blessings

Our little family is going to be hit with some rough times a little later this year. Job hunting for Jason and me has been a complete disappointment. Jason applied to be a summer school teacher (a position that was about 99% guaranteed once his application was in), however someone at the school district office dropped the ball and didn't submit his application to the next higher-up. So he's out a summer job, and, subsequently, much needed fundage. I have been putting in job applications since October of LAST YEAR for both full- and part-time jobs to no avail. Apparently a Bachelor's degree and previous work experience doesn't count for much anymore. (Seriously...I'm not qualified to be an admin assistant?!) Also, with all the state's education budget cuts, Jason's district is having teachers take five or six furlough days. This is a difference of about $100 on each paycheck--which is a lot for us. Dental insurance is also being cut for family members; they've nixed a committee that Jason sits on for a stipend; the conference he normally attends in the summer for a stipend is booked full.

Our financial woes seem endless right now and it looks like our belts will be pulled even tighter come September. It's amazing how these financial problems are coming and not once have I felt panicky. I'm worried, of course; it would be stupid of me to not be. It's on my mind every waking moment of the day about how we're going to pay to get the brakes replaced or make sure Troy has dental coverage, etc, etc, etc... We're commanded by God in the Bible (Malachi chapter 3 to be exact) to pay tithes and offerings to His church. If we do so God will "open you the windows of heaven, and pour you out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it." We see the blessings of faithfully paying our tithing often--several times a year in fact. I know for an absolute fact that we may have hard times but the Lord will ALWAYS provide.

For example, I have been to several job interviews within the past month and none have worked out. I was sitting in bed fuming about a week ago because I was promised that I would hear back about a position the day before and hadn't. It was a job I was fairly certain I would get and I was upset that I didn't have any contact information for the interviewer and that they hadn't called in a timely manner. I still haven't heard anything. Anyway, I'm sitting in bed furious to the point of tears and Jason gets a phone call. A good friend at work needs a nanny for her two youngest sons when school starts in August and does Liz want to do it? She pays well and it would allow me to stay at home with Troy. My tears of fury quickly turned to tears of gratitude for a Heavenly Father who knows the desires of our hearts. It makes me physically ill to think of sending Troy to daycare and that's what needs to be done if I'm to work outside the home full-time. There's a reason none of these jobs have worked out--there would be an even better opportunity for me to stay home and make a little extra to help make ends meet.

I am so grateful that the Lord has provided for us. We won't be rich, but we'll be able to get the bills paid.

Pooooooop

I've been having some serious issues with blogger lately. I finally figured out how to post (through Safari! Explorer won't do it for some reason.) and so I typed out my Brat Part II all out, just to have it not save. So I'm stuck trying to remember I said in my second installation about military life...

...

...not coming back anytime soon unfortunately.

We'll see if I can get back on the ball sometime soon. Again--poooooooooooop!

I'm a Brat, Part I

Some may argue that I'm a brat in more than one way. However, today I'll be discussing my military heritage. My mom has been suggesting for a long time that I write what it was like growing up as the child of a Marine. It is a different way of life than how most non-military kids grow up and I am having a hard time figuring out where to start. There are so many things I could go on and on about.

I guess I'll start with what it's like to be on a military base. Jason got his first taste of this when we visited my parents in Okinawa in 2007. The buildings are strictly functional. Most are low warehouse-types, all painted the same color, with big block lettering painted on as their "address." Office buildings are of the same type, except with windows. Amenities are also provided on base. Gyms are, of course, an important member of society and usually have everything one would want for working out. Mess halls (cafeterias) and fast food are dotted around, normally near the barracks and central places of work. Commissaries (grocery stores) are available for grocery shopping and there are normally small businesses such as tailors, barbers, bank branches, recreation stops, and hobby stores. Housing is available for rent so families can live on the base.

The Marines themselves are a sight. Unless they are PTing (physical training) they are in their camis. (ooh la la) Boots, pants, jackets, covers (hats). Camis have each Marine's name and rank sewed and pinned on so everyone knows who everyone else is. Normally they are going about their respective work, though sometimes they stand in formation for drills or special occassions. Marines pride themselves on having the best physical fitness of any of the military branches. (And from what I've seen, it's true.) Group PT is a must and they also must pass regular fitness exams to make sure they're operating at their peak. Humping (don't laugh gutterheads, it means hiking with all their gear) is common and is a challenge especially for those in bootcamp and the infantry. My dad is great at keeping inter-military ribbing alive by pointing out how fat the Air Force and Army let their servicemen get. Granted, my dad works out almost everyday and is in better shape than ANYONE I know (not exaggerating!).

This is a Marine base in a nutshell. I miss the order and cami-clad young men; it gives me a bit of nostalgia when I go back to visit.

Hairy Situations

I know I'm not the only one out there that has to wax my eyebrows. Note: me waxing my eyebrows = cheapie Sally Hansen strips that you rub between your palms and then cut out your own shape. Every once in a while, Sally doesn't quite cut it (no pun intended) and I have pay for professional help.

The last time I had a salon experience, it was quite interesting. I'm always a little self-conscious going to the salon because it's normally very obvious why I'm there. One look at the lawn growing out of my forhead and the stylists whisk me to the back room and break out the weed-wacker, all the while hoping the shrapnel doesn't pierce their aprons. The stylist on this particular day was very friendly and had some good conversation. Eventually, she was comfortable enough to start telling me a little about her family. I learned that every member of her family is hairy. I got to hear the details about how they all (male and female alike) need to be waxed on a regular basis. It was at this point that I started wondering why it was taking so long to get my eyebrows done, and how in the world had she gotten on the subject of her family's, er, furry little problem? I start mm-hmming and uh-huhing hoping she'll figure out I just want to be done and have decent looking brows. Finally! She hands me the mirror and I see that she's done hardly ANYthing! She cleaned up the peripherals but nothing else. Now my dilemma: do I (1) tell her to keep going and fix it while hearing more about her family follicles, or (2) take it the way it is and run?

I ran.

$10+tip later, I'm sitting in front of my mirror with trusty Sally.

Another funny eyebrow saga: when I lived in Okinawa, I used to go to the salon on base to get my hair/brow care done. The first time I made an appointment to get my eyebrows tamed and I get this cute little, old Okinawan lady. I lay back and she goes to work. It ended up taking about 30 minutes to get done. She had used all of two wax strips and spent the remaining 25 minutes plucking, one by one, til I felt there were no brows left. Zip to a month later. I make another appointment. There're only about 500 ladies that work in the base salon, odds are I'll get someone different. NOPE! Same lady, same 30 minute process. **Mom, I believe you had the same experience with this lady?** So funny! She did a pretty good job, she just wasn't going to rush herself. I would hate for her to hurry and wax my entire face off.

TMI? Yes.

Funny? Yes.

Why? I looked in the mirror this morning and saw I'm in great need of a lumberjack. Preferably one with washboard abs--oh, and a chainsaw.

Love and Logic...My Way

I've been struggling with motherhood lately. It's no secret that Troy can be a challenge at times. He is extremely active and loves to push my buttons by doing things he knows he shouldn't. It sometimes takes hours for him to fall asleep for naps and bedtime. He screams and throws things when he's angry. If he is not supervised 100% of the time, then he finds something to cause major trouble. Sadly, I find myself wanting to be away, waiting for Jason to get home so I can be by myself, and even feel a little resentful at times. I've been job-hunting and job-applying for months now, to no avail. I feel tired, burned out, and a little bored. I'm tired of feeling this way, so I decided to get some outside help from an objective source. I turned to the trusty public library and borrowed Parenting with Love and Logic by Dr. Foster Cline and Jim Fay. I finished the book in less than a day and could probably stand to read it again.

I found several things I liked and agreed with. These things I will apply in our home to try to help our situation. There were also several things I did not agree with in principle and will stick to my guns about. Hopefully my conglomeration will be successful.

First, I really liked how the authors talked about God. They obviously believe in Him and believe He loves His children. They made some wonderfully logical assumptions that I would deem to be true, such as, "God gave all humans--His supreme creation--considerable freedom, and that includes the opportunity to goof up" and "The greatest gift we can give our children is the knowledge that with God's help, they can always look first to themselves for the answers to their problems." Nothing is possible without our Heavenly Father and I look to Him frequently for guidance and comfort.

Next, I agree that my goal should be to raise responsible children who are ready for the world when they leave the safety of our home. Cline and Fay's main argument is that we need to provide our kids with viable choices and let them choose. If we make all the choices for them then they don't learn how to think for themselves. This is something we've already employed with Troy. We started by giving him choices that didn't matter: Do you want to wear your Lightning McQueen pj's or your dinosaur pj's? Then we've moved up to choices that matter a little bit more: Do you want to visit Grandma and Grandpa or do you want to stay home and play with your toys? By giving him some control, he learns to think about options and consequences. When he's in trouble: Do you want quiet time in your room or on the chair in the living room? etc... A+ for me on this concept.

I also heartily enjoyed that parents should not pander to their kids being irresponsible. If the rule is to do chores before dinner, then they won't get dinner if the chores aren't completed. They will learn that not doing chores means being hungry. They also encourage parents to require payment for chores that are normally the kids' responsibility or to not "be available" to take them to their activities if they misbehave or are lazy. Go Team Parent!

The other of Cline and Fay's main arguments is all about natural consequences. If the child makes a bad choice, then let them live out the natural consequence of their action--but be empathic and non-rescuing. For example, if Troy decides to be mean to another kid and that kid punches him for it, then that's a natural consequence. (Although in Troy's defense, he's actually very friendly with other kids and great at sharing.) Parents should never punish, get angry, or lecture about the child's choice.

This is where I find the gray area of this parenting approach. The way they present it, it's almost laissez-faire. I believe that children have parents for a reason--to guide them when making decisions. Parents are there to keep their kids in line and teach them to be respectful, responsible people. I do not believe that it is a bad thing to (reasonably) punish their children for acting inappropriately. I also think that hiding your displeasure/anger from them is unhealthy. If they have done something that affects others negatively, then it is perfectly appropriate to be a little growl-ish with them.

I agreed with the "natural consequences" to a degree. If they know that they won't have clean underwear unless they run a load of laundry, then they'll learn real fast that it's a good idea to do their laundry. However, there are several instances I can think of where I don't agree with this concept. If Troy and a neighbor kid get into a physical confrontation, I'm not going to sit by and let it keep going and tell myself that he'll learn his lesson eventually. I'm going to break up the fight and dole out punishments as I see fit! Getting a black eye isn't going to teach him not to fight! This is where I think the parent needs to become Parent. There are situations that require parental interference, and not providing interference will only hurt the child.

I especially loathed the blurb on bullies towards the end of the book. According to Cline and Fay, parents should approach the subject with their kids by making the bully into a victim. (Although most bullies have some sort of dysfunction at home, it's no excuse for violent behavior.) They suggest "encouraging" kids by saying something like this: "Kids who are awful now often grow up to be good men and women. Pretty surprising, huh? Someday they'll be almost as mature as you! Luckily this is just a stage in their lives. I sure am proud of the way you handle it." What a bunch of BS. This is how we handle bullies at our house: stand up for yourself if you're being bullied, if they touch you then mission is a-go to hit back. Our children will have our full support in this. Parents should most definitely be involved when this kind of situation comes up.

Anyway, I'm done! I will most definitely pick and choose which concepts to apply to our home and pray for extra guidance. Reading this book gave me hope even if I didn't agree with everything. I'm not the only person struggling with my child's behavior. I love Troy with all my heart and I want the best for him. I praise him, I discipline him, I smile, hug and kiss. I hope my outlook will start to turn upwards as Troy responds positively to these behavior modifications. Wish me luck!

Cupcakes Anon

Hi...my name is Liz...

Hello, Liz.

...and I'm addicted to cupcakes.

My story: I used to be a normal person like everyone else. I work as a stay-at-home mom, I run errands, I go to church. One day I met the Cocoa Bean and Cupcake Cafe (the one over by Five Guys). It started off slow. One cupcake here, another a few weeks later. Then my need for the fix increased. Pretty soon I needed a hit at least once a week. I can tell you their menu and what cupcakes they serve on what days. I particularly crave the German Chocolate and the "Better than Whatever" flavors. Oh, and the Ultimate Brownie and Grasshopper. And the "Party in My Mouth."

Then I started on the hot chocolate...

It's been a hard road. I'm glad I'm facing my addiction. I've resolved to fight off my cravings by thinking of the consquences: I have to work out for how long to get rid of these calories?!

I know there are others suffering from this same addiction. I'm here for you if you need support; but don't ask for too much support because I'll probably end up telling you to go get us a few cupcakes to make us feel better.

The Skinny (or the Fat?) on Things

My husband met his goal of losing 40 pounds on Friday morning. Congratulations to him! He worked hard, made lifestyle changes, and has improved his well-being. I've been a little jealous because it has come off so quickly for him. If he goes to the gym he's pretty much guaranteed weight loss. I go to the gym...and I sweat (that's about it).

Friday was also payday, which means grocery day, which means Troy and I head to WallyWorld for some major shopping. When you enter the store there is a McDonald's right in front of you with a big glass window so you can gaze upon weary shoppers scarfing down their saturated fat allotment for the month. So I glanced inside (how can you not? clever marketing ploy, McD's) and next to the window was a morbidly obese person sitting in an electric cart chowing down on their supersized Big Mac and fries. Maybe their soda was diet? The rest of the meal sure wasn't. As you can gather, sometimes I tend to be a little hard-hearted in these situations, although I know everyone's thinking the same thing I am! Quit eating crap so it will be easier to lose weight and then you won't have to ride around on a scooter to get your groceries! Of course there are always underlying factors on why someone gains weight to begin with. I'm absolutely non-judgemental when it comes to that because I know first-hand that different life circumstances, medications, physiological issues, etc... can affect how a person gains or loses weight. It's no secret I have a few pounds (OK, 15) to lose. HOWEVER!...

OK, no more on that.

Fast forward an hour. Troy and I are cruising to our next pit stop (Sam's Club: where you can get a polish dog and large soda for $1.50!). A radio ad comes on for the newest miracle diet. It advertised that you can lose weight without diet and exercise just by taking a sip of some goo they've come up with. I've heard this ad many times before and it's always irked me. Are people so uneducated that they think they can be healthy WITHOUT watching their diet and getting quality exercise?! People probably DO lose weight with this goo, but do they keep it off and is it building up the rest of their body as well? Probably not. I'm pretty educated when it comes to exercise and nutrition. I've done a lot of research on the subject and I (thankfully) come from a very health-conscience family. The only way to really get healthy, and stay healthy for that matter, is by sticking to a good diet and exercise regimen.

So why do people fall in the goo? Because it's easy. Why don't people exercise and eat healthier? Because it's HARD! One of the reasons Jason has been so successful with his weight loss is because he started keeping a food diary and counting calories. He realized how much he was eating and subsequently cut back. It was hard! He started incorporating healthier foods into his diet and skipping the sweets. It was hard! He decided to start pushing himself at the gym: running miles and lifting weights. Say it with me: It was hard! And look at him now... All of that hard work has paid off wonderfully. He says he will never go back to weighing what he did because he can feel the health benefits. And he looks good. I've watched his self-esteem climb mountains recently. I'm not complaining at all about his muscle-y arms and toned legs *wink wink*. I am so grateful that he decided to completely upend his way of approaching food and exercise and I'm proud of him for making that decision on his own. Now if only my body would get with it and start losing every time I had a workout... ah, to dream.

All this writing has tuckered me out. Where're my Cheez-Its?